Dear “Nice Guys,”

(I’m going to apologize up front for a long read but, dammit, I’ve read at least this much complaining about this subject.)

  For years now, I’ve seen these posts on reddit and tumblr dedicated to so called “Nice guys.” These are the guys who feel wronged because they aren’t one of the douchey guys who spend their time getting girls drunk and sleeping with them. They feel wronged because they never have the attention of women as much as they think these other guys do. I know this mindset well because way back in high school, I was one of you. But I’ll tell you right now, to anyone supporting the “Nice guys finish last” argument, it’s time to wake up.

 Let me explain this as simply as I can. To those of you in the midst of this delusion, you need to understand that being “nice” is not some sort of accolade to be proud of. As a matter of fact, being “nice” is one of the most basic compliments one can receive. It essentially means that you have the capability of being a decent human being with the expected amount of compassion.

Oh you hold doors open?

Oh you walk drunk girls home and don’t take advantage of them? 

 These are things that normal, decent, human beings do for each other. You don’t give a pilot a medal just because he didn’t crash his plane. You aren’t some sort of martyr because you don’t take advantage of a girl. You’re a person. Congratulations. Yes, there are many guys out there who aren’t so decent and for some reason, still attract the attention of women. Unfortunately for you, there isn’t some great reward for not being an asshole and frankly if you view the sexual attention of women as your main goal, you’re much closer to the asshole end of the spectrum than you’d like to admit.

The fact of the matter is, you and everyone else who uses this excuse likely use this as a deflection. Maybe you’re intimidated by girls. Maybe you’re bitter towards them for some reason. Whatever the cause is, it’s clear that dealing with women isn’t your strongest skill. So, you’re wondering what to do now that I destroyed your argument like some sort of badass.

Here’s the thing no one is talking about that everyone should be: Treat women like people

Instead of holding the door open for a girl and then quietly skulking away or walking a drunk girl home and being pissed she didn’t offer to jump into bed with you at some other time, just be a good dude. Take a friend out to dinner with no sexual expectations for the end of the night, strike up a conversation just for the hell of it. You have nothing to lose by being a friendly and outgoing person and as soon as you stop seeing women as a means to having sex, you’ll find that your life will be a lot better. Because at the end of the day, the douchey guys are hooking up with the douchey girls. Douchey people f*cking love each other’s company. So remove them from the picture and stop thinking that your life will ever be some blur of one night stands with attractive people while also simultaneously being a celebration of your ironclad moral code. Just man up and be a gentleman. Being a good person is a lifelong commitment and should never be motivated by sex because people will see right through you.

So maybe nice guys finish last but f*ck that.

A gentleman is the guy who has long since stopped looking for the finish line.


Dan Sheehan

Say “I won a math debate” fast.